July 1, 2002
Uncompromised
Respect
by Leslie
McIntyre
Uncompromised Respect
by Leslie McIntyre
In one of my classes on women's spirituality, a woman shared a story about her son's girlfriend who had been traveling in Italy. She had been invited to a party and went with a friend of hers. This young woman, a girl, really (seventeen), woke up in the early morning hours, unable to move, but fully aware, and found herself in the middle of a rape being perpetrated against her by a thirty-five year-old man. She had been drugged. This girl was wounded for life by that man whose privilege and entitlement gave him the permission to do as he pleased with her. To him, she was nothing more than an object for him to use, abuse and discard. And, he knew he could get away with it. This is only one scenario. Rape is committed with an alarming degree of normalcy all the time around the world. All of us in the class were grief-stricken. I felt helpless. Why can't I stop rape? I am outraged, furious, like a gathering tornado that stops at nothing. But I feel like I can't stop rape. Or can I?
And then, a few days later, I was told a story about how some Maori women handled a rapist. Since the legal system in Aotearoa (Land of the Long White Cloud, commonly known as New Zealand) was not delivering justice, several women took the matter into their own hands. They found this rapist, tied him to a post in town and placed a sign on him that read "I am a rapist." Then a female doctor injected him with a female hormone that rendered him impotent. How long he will be impotent, I don't know. I hope for the rest of his life! This story made me think that to really make change about this most heinous of crimes, women will have to take things into our own hands. I'm not sure what would happen to me if I did that in my town. I would probably be jailed. But I would like to find a way to be a mother bear&emdash;clear, dangerous and focused&emdash;when it comes to anyone harming my children. And all children are my children. A ferocious mother dog protecting her babies is called a bitch. Well then, I am a bitch, and proud to be one.
I feel outraged on a daily basis because of the torture and violence perpetrated against women and children by privileged men. I think privilege makes men completely crazy. Yet this patriarchal society continues to treat crazy men as if it is their right to rage their violence against women and children. Who knows what the judge in any court does at night to his wife, to his children?
Long ago in India from the eighth through twelfth centuries, Tantric Buddhism emerged as a spiritual practice embracing the body, senses, passion and ecstasy. At the helm of this emergence were female practitioners. The earlier Mahayana forms of Buddhism had grown dry and exclusive and the lay people wanted something that reflected their day-to-day life. The earlier Hindu Tantric and Sakta goddess-worshipping movements had great influence on Tantric Buddhism. All of this is to say that one of the most important tenets of these early spiritual paths was that of uncompromised respect&emdash;something we have very little or perhaps no understanding of today. This respect was based on the conviction that "all the powers of the universe flow through and from women" (Shaw, Passionate Enlightenment, p. 44). Respect for women was demanded. What do you envision in a world that demands such respect? Author Miranda Shaw tells us "Unconditional respect for women was so integral to the Tantric ethos that men who failed to take seriously this aspect of Tantra were severely criticized and rebuked" (Would you consider what the Maori women did a serious criticism and rebuke?) "Men were instructed regarding what behaviors and attitudes toward women were to be cultivated and which were inconsistent with the Tantric worldview. Male practitioners were warned to dispense with any denigrating attitudes they might have about women and admonished that these were incompatible with the Tantric path. The special commitments of a Tantric initiate include, as the culminating vow, a pledge never to disparage or belittle women." (Shaw, Passionate Enlightenment, p.47. Italics added)
What has happened to men that they have fallen into this terrible amnesia of disrespecting those that have birthed them? Of those who have tended to their care and nurturance? Who are these crazy men running amuck, creating war and committing rape as a weapon of war and control? Why aren't we more outraged? Why don't we have serious consequences for such wanton hatred, which is beyond disparagement&emdash;such as castration?
The connection of the hatred of women and war is obvious (see my previous column). The hatred and rampant disrespect of woman can only lead to hatred and disrespect of the earth. There is no difference. Rape has become a way of life for those who feel it is their right to take whatever they want. This way of life knows no cultural bounds and there are numerous forms of it.
Naming is of the utmost importance in being able to know what truth lies beneath the surface of the collective pain we suffer. When things are not named, power is not possible. It is my experience that the current suffering we experience as a species is completely and totally based on the hatred, disparagement, belittling and psychotic disrespect of women, worldwide. If we are to survive as a species, we must come back to the truth that women are the embodiment of the life force from which all flows, and without that wisdom to teach us and hold us, we are lost. Any form of hideous and twisted destruction is allowed to grow without the guidance and love of the Mother. It is said in the Maori tradition that all is the Mother and that she is Mother to all her children, which includes men. Never do we hear of such cosmology. In the Maori tradition, there is no duality. All is Mother.
Let us share a collective vision of all rape ending, of safety returning, of love abounding, and of deep respect and honor being restored to all women. Let that honor and respect radiate out in all directions until all life is embraced by the warm arms of Her loving presence, insuring a quality of life for all her children.