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Table of Contents |
A simple way to love |
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A review of Janet Luhrs' Simple Loving by Kristen O'Connor
Exactly what does it take to have a lasting intimate relationship? After the painful breakup of her marriage, author Janet Luhrs began to ask herself the perennial question. In 1997 Janet Luhrs published The Simple Living Guide, a handbook encouraging people to voluntarily simplify their lives in an effort to increase joy and satisfaction. One thing that struck Luhrs during the research and long after was a special closeness shared by many of the couples she had interviewed. Later, while contemplating the qualities of a successful relationship, Luhrs couldn't help but remember the people she had met and the stories she had heard. It wasn't long before Luhrs recognized the important and tangible connection between living simply and loving happily. Hot on the trail of something big, Luhrs returned to her research, revisited many of the couples she had initially interviewed, and found herself writing Simple Loving, the sequel to The Simple Living Guide. The overriding theme of Simple Loving is, of course, simple: take time, pay attention, and enjoy. Luhrs also includes many stories, anecdotes, words of wisdom, and checklists along the way, making the book easy to read and fun to explore. Divided into three main parts, Simple Loving focuses on what kinds of people have fulfilling marriages, how those people relate to each other, and how they interact in the world. In all sections throughout the book there is a noticeable emphasis on consciousness -- slowing down, counting one's blessings, and being mindful. One aspect of the book that sets it apart from many other books about relationships is its emphasis on wholeness and personal boundaries. Simple Loving won't tell you how to get it together in order to be good enough for someone else, nor will it provide tips on how to "catch" the man or woman of your dreams. Instead Luhrs and the folks she interviews spend a good deal of time encouraging readers to know themselves, respect themselves, and love and enjoy who they are as individuals. Regular meditation, vision quests, workshops, and time alone are all strategies suggested by Luhrs as necessary to nurturing oneself and consequently one's relationship. (Like the "airplane metaphor" where the parent has to remember to put her oxygen mask on first so that she won't die of asphyxiation while trying to save her child!) Another positive aspect of Simple Loving that seems to be lacking in many other self-help books and books about creating love is an emphasis on consuming LESS and caring MORE about the planet. In part III of the book there is a very useful chapter titled, "Making Financial Peace with Your Partner;" in chapter 11 there are guidelines for hosting a "green wedding," including suggestions for avoiding disposable items and choosing organically grown foods. In all, I found Simple Loving to be enjoyable reading, and appreciated the thoughtful reminders to slow down, give thanks, and cultivate wonder. (Who doesn't appreciate a well-placed reminder?) I liked the personal stories, quotes and poetry, and valued the wealth of the resources listed at the end of each chapter. Furthermore, I thought the book was well-written, easy to read, and covered a pretty decent variety of topics. Finally, more than anything else, I liked the author's fresh perspective about the importance of intimate relationships, daring to suggest we focus at least an equal amount of time and energy on loving ourselves, our lives, and our planet. It's about time!
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