August 3, 2003
Awakened Woman's Circle is working for peace
Random Thoughts of A Feminist
By Nanette Patton
This past week I heard Christina Aguilera's and Lil' Kim's song "Can't Hold Us Down" for the first time. Double standards for men and women persist, particularly when it comes to our sexuality, and it annoys the heck out of me.
If you look back in historyIt's a common double standard of society
The guy gets all the glory the more he can score
While the girl can do the same and yet you call her a whore
I don't understand why it's okay
The guy can get away with it, the girl gets named
This song demonstrates that I'm not the only woman on this planet who has these thoughts and these feelings. I listen to men tell me how differently I would behave if I had testosterone at the levels men have. I personally think that is all a bunch of B.S. If men had to face the negative social repercussions for fully expressing their sexuality as women face, they would exercise a lot more self control. Oh, how I long for the days "When God Was a Woman."
After I watched "The Hours" a few weeks back, I found an e-version of Virginia Woolf's "Mrs. Dalloway" and downloaded it to my Palm. To me, it's no wonder Virginia was such a tortured soul. She knew all too well how limiting living in woman's body can be when you have a developed intellect. I'll share a passage with you . . .
"But for me I suppose you would recommend marriage?" said Katharine."Certainly I should. Not for you only, but for all women. Why, you're nothing at all without it; you're only half alive; using only half your faculties; you must feel that yourself. That is why&emdash;" Here he stopped himself.
Unfortunately, we still communicate that idea to our little girls today. My daughter wants to be a biologist traveling the world to study the behavior of animals. Marriage is not part of that in the near-term. When she talks about that, I see her doubt whether she is doing the right thing. I have to constantly remind her that pursuing that dream puts her in a far better position for when she decides to couple because she will be doing so out of choice, not need. A woman is a woman with or without a man by her side.
And it's not that women want to give up their feminine energy and become a man, it's just that we want to be able to express our so called masculine energies as well. Lover, wife, and mother are roles we play; they do not define us as women and human beings or make us who we are. Some women are content with just that; not I. I need to express more of myself than that, those things that are considered part of the male domain&emdash;warrior, scientist, hunter, politician, leader. I want to experience the full gamut of my being. Along with the roles of lover, wife, and mother come the costumes. I enjoy wearing the costumes; however, when the height of the heels, the length of hair, the number on the weight scale, the size of the bust line, the cut of the dress, and the provocativeness of the lingerie become a condition of social acceptance and finding/keeping a mate, I take issue. At that point, the artificial social construct of what is woman has taken precedence over the natural innate qualities of woman that lie beneath the exterior costume.
I've been told by several people that if I would just "lighten up," I would probably have an easier time attracting men and perhaps that is true. However, we have yet to attain true gender equality. If no one speaks up, nothing changes.
As the song goes...
So what am I not supposed to have an opinionShould I be quiet just because I'm a woman
Call me a bitch cos I speak what's on my mind
Guess it's easier for you to swallow if I sat and smiled
So what am I not supposed to say what I'm sayingAre you offended by the message I'm bringing
Call me whatever cos your words don't mean a thing
Guess you ain't even a man enough to handle what I sing
If my speaking my mind intimidates men (and other women because I'm not obeying the rules), oh well. I don't want to completely alienate men because men and women are interdependent and I'm all too aware of that interdependence and men need to be part of the change process as well. We achieve so much more when the masculine and feminine energies are valued equally and are combined to achieve synergy. Just maybe one of these days, I'll meet a man who understands that my desire for women's equality allows each and everyone to achieve balance and harmony with the masculine and feminine within themselves and among each other. Liberation and equality for women and that which is feminine is liberation and equality for men as well. We will all be free to express our whole selves.
Major Nanette Patton is Chief Information Officer, United States Army Medical Information Systems and Services Agency, stationed in San Antonio, TX, and is the mother of an 11 year old daughter.