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Motherhood Still an Issue for Feminists
Book Review:
Mother Troubles: Rethinking Contemporary Maternal Dilemmas edited by Julia E. Hanigsberg & Sara RuddickReviewed by Diane R. Schulz
Feminists have often written on the importance of Motherhood, whether they have supported or negated the institution itself, and it still retains its central position as a fact of life in most women's lives. Women may put their education or career choices ahead of motherhood, but the majority of women eventually become mothers. Mother Troubles , a collection of fifteen articles on a variety of difficult personal, legal and social issues that modern mothers face, addresses topics that are often unexamined . In their introduction to Mother Troubles, Ruddick and Hanigsberg explain how they "noted the disproportionate responsibility assigned to mothers when parents harm children, and rued the guilt that mothers bear and that serves them and their children badly."Although they began their research with a legal focus, they quickly saw the tendency of law towards punishment, threat and fear. They realized that they must incorporate a religious perspective, something seldom done in academic works such as theirs. This combination of the material and the spiritual first attracted me to read this long and detailed collection of writings by professional women from diverse disciplines.
The editors also realized in the beginning of their collaboration that "mother blaming" actually affects all mothers, whether they are perceived as "bad" mothers or not. They quickly saw the need to really listen to mothers about their lives, so that they could present essays representative of the myriad problems that motherhood involves. Another thing they realized is the brutal fact that the U.S. government in recent years has worked against social change for mothers, particularly in regard to secure, affordable daycare and medical coverage for all mothers and children. But women are resisting stereotyping. The editors see their book as one expression of this resistance. Their aim is to present the problems so as to change the "legal, economic, and political structures that shape mother's lives, reforming family law, social policies, and cultural institutions so that they serve rather than hinder mother's work."
Forget the guilt! Break the silence! Talk about the societal circumstances that are present when mothers fail; why and when they harm their children; what are the nature of the burdens they carry really. Poverty and racism, sexism and abuse, as well as the negative influence of our Judeo-Christian religious tradition, emerged as blatant and important issues that contribute to the harm of mothers and children. "Reality" isn't always what it seems at first glance.
The collection begins with a heart wrenching story, "Not My Way, Sesha, Your Way, Slowly," by Eva Feder Kittay, the mother of a severely intellectually impaired daughter, 27 years old at the time of writing. Sesha has no measurable I.Q. and is confined to wheelchair because of scoliosis and cerebral palsy, and she is physically lovely. But her most outstanding loveliness is, as her mother states: "The capacity for joy. The babbling-brook laughter at a musical joke. The starry-eyed far-away look as she listens to Elvis crooning "Love me tender," the excitement of her entire soul as the voices blare out "Alle Menschen werden Bruder" in the choral ode of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, and the pleasure of bestowing her kisses and receiving the caresses in turn." Eva's choice to care for her daughter at home rather than institutionalize her took remarkable strength. She shows us just how much love and how many people mothering can require and most importantly, how the "process of mothering will not end."
The book continues with discussions of issues such as pregnant mother's drug use, lesbian co-mothering, and parental refusal of medical treatment, among others. Although the majority of the authors are lawyers or professors of law, women from such diverse fields as ethics, social thought, philosophy, and counseling are also part of the spectrum.
"Religious practices are central in the lives of many women, and shape many mothers' sense of meaning of their work.", state Ruddick and Hanigsberg in their introduction. Out of these fifteen excellent, probing essays, Bonnie J. Miller-McLemore's discussion in "Ideals and Realities of Motherhood: A Theological Perspective," delves deepest into the need for women to not only bring to light and debunk the myths of motherhood, but moreover to fulfill "the longing for ideals by which to live." She suggests that we can not simply abandon the religious institutions of Judaism and Christianity without re-examining the popular need they have served, however badly, for some sort of ethic to live by, particularly in regard to parenthood. She worries that less appealing ideals may arise if we do not seriously look at how the ontological basis of Judaism and Christianity still shape our society, its secular institutions and laws. By throwing out the baby with the bath water, we are in danger of becoming a society with no ethical standards at all.
Although I appreciate Miller-McLemore's insights and criticism of simplistic solutions, I feel more inclined to re-claim the ideals of the Goddess directly, rather than re-interpreting Biblical messages. There is simply too much inconsistency in the Bible, not to speak of the careful and final selection of New Testament books by the male-controlled Council of Nicea in the 4th century, whereby female disciple's voices were silenced. Too much damage has been done to women over the past few thousand years in the name of this "holy" guide. I realize that worship of the Goddess is a radical turn for women to make. Practically speaking, human nature is conservative, and women have always been the main supporters of conservative religious institutions because they understand the need of security for themselves and their children in a world of male domination, and the upheaval of war, which is part and parcel of androcentric thinking. Because churches and synagogues have given them stability and hope, women have remained their faithful members. I was raised as a good Christian girl, but found the role very confining. Over the past 30 years I have experienced the power and completeness that seeing God in my own image can be, instead of trying to understand God as interpreted by men.
Because Mother Troubles provokes deeply felt responses such as I have expressed, not only on the importance of re-examining motherhood from a religious perspective but on opening up a discussion on other issues, this academic text is an excellent resource for students of Women's Studies, and in particular legal and ethical scholars. Women willing to open their minds to alternative views to the often negative mass media's presentation of mothers' troubles, will find this book a welcome treatise. Although some of the readings are difficult for the lay reader, others are simple expressions of what the diverse experiences of motherhood are about. As Alison M. Jaggar, author of Feminist Politics and Human Nature, states on the book jacket, "...these essays open the way for more direct, compassionate, respectful and constructive responses to the dilemmas facing families and mothers."
Motherhood is often praised as women's most important role, but just as often real mothers are denigrated and made to bear the guilt of a society dictated by male-dominated structures and ideologies. Ruddick and Hanigsberg are asking us to do some more exploration, put our personal judgments aside, and decide for ourselves what mothers need to keep on holding up half the world while reproducing and caring for the future generation. It is, after all, up to us to set the agenda for the future we want.
Mother Troubles: Rethinking Contemporary Maternal Dilemmas, edited by Julia E. Hanigsberg & Sara Ruddick. Beacon Press, Boston, 1999.